“I am very afraid of my first sexual intercourse and I cannot relax at all. I just have a mental blockade…”

The first sexual intercourse is a big step in a relationship, but also in the life of every young person, and that is why it is important to enter it only when we feel ready. It should be a pleasant and beautiful experience for both partners that will connect you as a couple. If you are afraid, you are not comfortable and “you have a mental blockage”, maybe the right time has not yet come for you, and your partner should be able to accept it if he cares about you and your feelings. 

When stating with sexual relations, your desire for relations is key. If you want to start sexual relations, a certain “nervousness” is normal, but if you feel a blocking fear or any similar strong unpleasant emotion, it may be better to wait until the idea is more comfortable.

Here we present some general guidelines on how to assess whether you are ready for your first sexual intercourse:

1. YOU ARE AWARE OF THE RISK (You know the possible consequences of sexual intercourse and possible consequences related to it) 
2. YOU HAVE BEEN PREPARED (You have talked to your partner openly, you have been to a gynaecologist or you are planning to visit a gynaecologist, you are informed about all methods of protection and you will use them) 
3. YOU TRUST YOUR PARTNER (The partner and you are in a strong relationship, full of mutual trust, you take care of each other and you believe that the whole experience will be nice) 
4. YOU ARE DOING IT FOR YOURSELF (You want to have sexual relations, you are not doing it “because everybody else is doing it” or because you are afraid that your boyfriend will leave you) 
5. YOU ARE NOT AFRAID TO SAY NO (You can always change your mind or there is something where you draw the line – your partner respects you) 

Frequently asked questions of young people refer to unreliable methods of protection against pregnancy, especially “the pull-out” method (Lat. coitus interruptus), when a man pulls his penis out of the vagina immediately before ejaculation after vaginal intercourse without the use of a condom. Ejecting semen outside the vagina prevents it from reaching the vagina.

This method of contraception is unreliable because a small amount of sperm can leak prior to ejaculation (preejaculate) and only one sperm is sufficient for achieving pregnancy. In addition, if repeated intercourse occurs in a short time, the man has not urinated, and washed his penis, sperm can be left behind which can lead to pregnancy. The failure rate of this method is 18%, which means that 18 out of 100 women who use this method of contraception become pregnant during the first year of use. In addition, this method does not protect against sexually transmitted infections, and requires great self-control of both partners, which is often difficult to achieve.

Jealousy is an integral part of social life, it is present in almost all types of relationships, from family relationships to those in the business world, but it is studied most often in the context of romantic relationships. It is considered to be one of the most intense and most often present emotions in such relationships. People differ greatly in the frequency and intensity of their experiences of jealousy. 

In general, the results of most research show that women achieve higher levels of jealousy than men. 

Jealousy is a feeling that usually refers to negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety regarding expected loss of something a person cares about, such as a relationship, friendship, or love. It often consists of a combination of feelings of anger, sadness, and disgust.

For jealousy to occur, a third person, i.e. a rival, is not necessary to exist, nor is there a need for an actual attraction between one’s partner and a third person. Jealousy can also occur in people who are not in a relationship. They are not afraid of losing a partner, but of losing the opportunity for love. However, it most often occurs in people who are currently in a relationship.

Jealousy is rarely pleasant, and mostly negatively affects a romantic relationship and can ruin it. Surveys among students show that approximately half of respondents have broken up at least once due to jealousy-related problems, while approximately 10% of respondents cite it as a recurring problem in their current romantic relationships. 

Although it is most often recognized as negative, jealousy does not always have to have such a connotation. Some people may become more committed to a relationship once they realize they have a partner others desire. In addition, jealousy can be a sign that partners care about each other so they want to keep the relationship from danger, which can then even lead to greater satisfaction in the relationship. 

In terms of the association between age and jealousy, research has shown that younger people are more jealous than older people are.

A condom is the most commonly used contraceptive. In addition to protection against unwanted pregnancy, it also plays a major role in preventing the spread of sexually transmitted diseases. Research shows that young people who have are sexually active do not use condoms in most cases, and one in four teenage girls has a sexually transmitted disease. Although easily accessible and generally common in use, some common myths still apply to condoms:

• It is good to keep condoms in your wallet

The fact is that they are always with you in case you need them but keeping one packet of condom in your wallet for a long time can thin the material from which the condom is made and small holes can be created in it, so a condom no longer serves its purpose. 

• Using two condoms at once doubles the protection

Using two condoms at once actually reduces protection because more friction is created and there is a greater chance that a condom will break. Using one condom in the right way should be quite enough. 

Condoms prevent any pleasure during a sexual act

This is one of the most common misconceptions. Condoms today are made of such materials that the pleasure is complete, and the condom is practically imperceptible, if the right size is used. Condoms can even improve your sex life because they reduce the fear of unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. 

• You can only buy condoms if you are old enough

Incorrect. Condoms are not alcohol or tobacco and there is no age limit for their purchase. However, it often happens that young people are embarrassed to buy them. In that case, it is best to ask older friends for help or be courageous and take that step.

• Condoms do not fit to many people because they are made in one size only

In fact, they are produced in multiple sizes. More importantly, each condom can be stretched up to 60 cm in length and up to 30 cm in width. Therefore, it suits every man without any problems.

• Boys are responsible for having a condom

Your own health is always your responsibility, not your partner’s responsibility. Girls should not be ashamed to buy condoms because preserving health is important. 

The most ideal situation would be to lose our virginity to the love of our life. Unfortunately, this rarely happens. Of course, that does not mean you need to sleep with anyone for the first time, since you will never forget the first sex, it is an event that is remembered for a lifetime, as well as the person with whom it happened. 

That is why it is most important that you make that decision for the right reasons. Sleep with someone because you want to, not because you feel pressure from a friend or maybe your boyfriend is persuading you to. People who lose their virginity for the wrong reasons often later regret what they have done. You are in no hurry, think carefully about such an important decision before you make it. 

It is very important that you are sober when having sex for the first time, and not under the influence of alcohol or drugs. Research has shown that most young people (both girls and boys) regret losing their virginity while intoxicated and so be careful not to make the same mistake. In any case, it is important to prepare well, both mentally and physically, so that unwanted consequences such as a minor pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases do not occur later. And yes, you can get pregnant during the first sexual intercourse. 

For the first sex, it is best to choose a suitable place, where you will feel safe and relaxed, and where no one can just come across you. Therefore, for example a party in a house with a free room is not a good idea. 

In girls, hymen defloration (so-called “breaking”) occurs during the first sexual intercourse. The hymen is a thin layer of tissue (one to three millimetres thick) located at the entrance to the vagina. It partially covers the opening of the vagina and is part of the female vulva. The hymen can come in a variety of shapes, e.g., in the shape of a crescent, tooth, flap, but is most often ring-shaped. The edges of the hymen are smooth or wrinkled. It is common for most girls to experience minor bleeding and pain during their first sex (i.e. defloration), but on the other hand, this bleeding and pain does not have to happen at all. This does not happen only because in some cases the hymen has ‘torn’ previously, but because it is sometimes so elastic that it does not ‘tear’ or ‘tears’ only partially. This can happen when the first sexual intercourse takes place gradually, for example, when the boy uses his fingers first and only later switches to the ‘real intercourse’. 

If you start to bleed, it will not be profuse. Any bleeding you may experience is nowhere near what you experience during menstruation. Tearing the hymen should not be very painful. Even if you feel pain, it is because this feeling of penetration is a novelty that you are not used to, so your muscles have tightened. This is in no way caused by the hymen because there are no nerve endings in it. Although you cannot control how torn your hymen is, you can control your relaxation, which will then reduce your feeling of discomfort or pain.

One of the more common causes of pain during the first sexual intercourse is the fear of pain, but also the subconscious fear of possible pregnancy, which causes unconscious spasm of the vaginal muscles and then makes penetration difficult or impossible. Your boyfriend needs to allow you to relax with a lot of patience and attention, but that still takes a bit of time. 

Talk a lot with your boyfriend about everything. The first sex with a person you trust will also make the whole thing easier for you. Your boyfriend should take your feelings into account, he should do his best to keep that experience in your good memory and help you through the process. If he is persuading you too much or you have a feeling that he is forcing you – maybe it is time to think about whether he is the right person to be your first. 

And yes, of course you will be nervous for the first time, but do not panic.

Relax, breathe, go slowly, and remind yourself that it is normal to be a little nervous.