I am 15 years old and my boyfriend is 30. We have been hiding for about 9 months and no one knows about us because of the law. He is good to me and we get along well. I am not sure if he thinks he has a future with me.

Since you did not mention you had sexual relations with your boyfriend, I will refer to the law first since you were in a relationship even before you turned 15 years old. In the Republic of Croatia, the age limit for consent to sexual intercourse is 15 years. Article 158 of the Criminal Code (Official Gazette, No. 125/11, 144/12, 56/15, 61/15, 101/17) stipulates that whoever has sexual intercourse, or a sexual act equated with it with a child under the age of fifteen or induces a child to have sexual intercourse or a sexual act equated with it with a third person or to perform a sexual act equated with sexual intercourse against itself, shall be punished by imprisonment for a term between one and ten years. Whoever commits a lewd act against a child under the age of fifteen or causes it to commit a lewd act with another person or commits a lewd act against itself, shall be punished by imprisonment for a term between six months and five years. There shall be no criminal offense referred to in paragraphs 1 and 2 of this Article if the age difference between persons who have sexual intercourse or a sexual act equated with it or a lewd act does not exceed three years. Therefore, until you turned 15 you were breaking the law, however that is no longer applicable. 

It is definitely good and positive that he is good to you and that you get along nicely. In general, serious and healthy relationships between two people have a lot of qualities and advantages, so you can consider whether the following characteristics apply to your relationship, because they can also mean that the relationship will last or have a future. Healthy relationships are characterized by trust between partners, respect, appreciation and acceptance of each other’s differences, partners in them sincerely express what they feel and think, communicate openly, and support each other. Regarding your question whether he thinks he has a future with you, unfortunately I cannot provide an answer. I suggest you encourage a conversation with him on the subject and tell him how you feel and what you would like and what you hope for. Since it is important that you feel safe in a relationship and that you can talk openly and honestly with your partner, then it is definitely in your best interest to talk about what interests you.

The other day my mother saw me with a boy who is Roma, he could not finish secondary school because he had problems and now he works at 17 and at 18 he will get a permanent job. My mother went crazy because I was with Roma and she has such prejudices about him and she did not even meet him. I have known my boyfriend for 3 years and we are in a relationship close to a year. The boyfriend is great and he loves me, respects me, and protects me and he is also my best friend, my mom does not even want to listen to me. She wants to take my cell phone and forbid me to go out and she said she would go to the welfare centre and tell them everything and I will have to go with her. I was wondering might they take my side in this argument? What can happen now? Please, give me your opinion. 

I see that you really care about your boyfriend and that it is important to you that your mother does not have a bad opinion of him. I also see that you find it important to have a good foundation in a relationship, and some of them are certainly respect, understanding, and trust.

The social welfare centre certainly cannot forbid you from seeing a boyfriend based on the fact that he has not finished school or that he is a Roma.

The best thing you can do is try to smooth things over with your mom. You say your mom only saw you with your boyfriend the other day, and you have been together for a year. Surely, no parent is comfortable finding out that their child has been hiding something from them, especially for so long, so it is possible that the mother is still trying to figure out what she thinks about the whole situation.

For starters, try to think of everything you want to tell your mom and arrange a time to talk to her when you are both calm. You can announce to your mother that you would like to talk to her calmly, without quarrels, and that you would like to share a lot with her. You can also write down exactly what you want to say so you do not forget because sometimes when we are very excited about a topic, we forget what we wanted to say. You can explain to your mother which foundations you consider important in the relationship (as you wrote nicely above) and thus show that you feel good, happy, and safe with him and give her a few examples of how he shows you that he respects and loves you. You can also explain to her why you hid the relationship from her because she will surely be hurt that you did not confide in her for so long.

In order for both of you to better state what you think and how you feel, it is important to remember some rules in communication: avoid accusations (“You always…” “You never…” etc.), and instead you can say how you feel when you hear some words or sentences (for example: “When you say something, I feel…” etc.), do not interrupt the other person when expressing how it feels and thinks, do not shout. It is important that you both express your feelings and come to a mutual agreement.

Good afternoon. I am 16 years old and have a boyfriend for some time. I want to have a baby and he wants the same but not now. After the conversation we had about it he thinks he dissuaded me from that idea, but I now want pregnancy even more and everything that comes with it. Advise me. I know I am too young, and it is probably not normal to want that. I consider myself sufficiently mentally mature to deal with it.

For starters, I would not call your desire for a child weird or “abnormal”, especially if you have strong feelings for your boyfriend. However, I have to ask myself what the reasons for your desire and abilities are to provide for a child. 

First of all, I do not know how long you and your boyfriend have been together, how strong your relationship is, etc. Assuming you have been together for a while, that you get along well and that your feelings are mutually strong, I will still assume you see each other in “controlled conditions” – before or after school, at a cafe, on trips, etc. It is very important to get to know another person well before we decide to have a child together, both in favourable and difficult life situations, to know how that person reacts when it is in a good and bad mood, how it functions under stress, how it manages money, whether that person is willing to share the care of the household and the child. It often takes years for people to get to know a person at that level and even then, some things can still (sometimes unpleasantly) surprise them. Therefore, already on this first point, I would like to emphasize that it is extremely important to give time to your relationship – give it time to grow, develop, strengthen.
In addition, some things you say also caught my attention. You say that YOU would like a baby, that he does not want a baby, but YOU want to have a baby even more now, that YOU are mentally mature. I cannot stress enough that it is ideal for a child to have both parents in a healthy relationship. The foundation of a healthy relationship is respect for the other person and their decisions – meaning their readiness or unwillingness to have a child. Forcing a person to do something he or she is not ready for can have a negative effect on the relationship, especially situations of bringing a person to the brink of such an important life decision. The decision on having a baby should be made together and based on mutual desire, trust, but also rational consideration of possibilities. 

Speaking of possibilities – I guess neither you nor your boyfriend work, you go to school and live with your parents. Since you are a minor for another 2 years, you will not be able to live alone, earn a living, or legally take care of a child. When a child is born in a minor relationship, most often, the custody is temporarily taken over by grandparents, and without them you cannot even register the child’s name. Have you checked with them to see if they are willing to take on that responsibility? Often such situations disrupt family relationships and further complicate an already difficult and complicated situation. 

I would also look at the part where you say you are ready for pregnancy and everything it brings. I believe that you are, a woman’s body is fascinating, and I believe that a pregnancy would be well tolerated and carried to full term. However, pregnancy is not the goal and the end, but only the beginning – a child that you will legally take care of for the next 18 years, and in every other way for the rest of your life. Are you ready to put yourself in second place at the age of 16 and fully adapt your life to the child?
So I would like to ask you in the end – how do you see your life in 5 years? If it is with that boyfriend and with the child, if you have confidence in your relationship, I will only advise you to be patient until adulthood for practical reasons. Then you will be able to get a job, move out and take care of yourself and your child on your own. If you still have a shred of doubt somewhere, if you realize that your future education or job may be important to you, consider whether having a child at an early age might make this situation more difficult for you? 

One of the features of maturity is the postponement of current desires and pleasures, in this case with an aim of creating a more stable future for yourself, your partner, and your child. Give a chance to 18, 20 or 25-year-old self to think, change her mind, go to school, work, travel, go out or have a child, but only when that child is wanted by both partners and when you can take care of yourself and the child.